he loves me not

and............yea again
he doesnt love me

:(

so here i am, back with the saddest thing in my life.

hows ur days lately? been good. well, i tried to make it all good.

you've changed Le in a way that i wish i never exist those days. you throw my love for you away lyk you dont need it anymore and that hurts, really. why you have to be lyk this? its lyk i dont know you anymore, its lyk a part of my soul was gone and i REALLY want to take it back the way "it" used to be. dont you miss the old of us? spent time together, theres no "tired" words out from our mouth, when saying "i love you", those silly conversations, you mad at me because i ate food that i shouldnt eat, care to me lyk you dont want any bad things happen to me, talking about our future, midnight chat that always fly me to the moon, take a silly pictures together, give a gift to others, post something sweet when anniversaries come, when you always gimme a kiss in the eye, cheek and hug me as tight as you can, dont you miss the old of us? i know you're tired with your school stuff and i do understand. but you see, i'm busy with my college stuff as well quiz everyweek, assignments everyday and the other shit stuff. im tired either. but im trying..... at least be there for you. but these months, weeks, days, hours, secs lately i'm feeling unwanted. its lyk you dont need me anymore, you dont love me anymore, you dont care with me anymore. i do positive thinking, maybe you want to see me grow up. but if this part of "growing up" hurts i dont wanna be in that way. i wanna be your "never grow up" girlfriend. God, take me back to the old Ole, please? can I?

iloveyouforeverandalwaysLe♥

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rs7DKdXsVs&feature=youtu.be

karena setiap burung origami yang aku buat, tersimpan harapan yang aku sendiri ngga tau akan dikabulkan atau bahkan bakalan ancur bersamaan dengan semua harapan yg aku buat.

bercahayalah seperti bintang, Tante.

so here's the hardest time of my life. my lovely aunty has passed away because of diabetes, 3 months stayed in the hospital makes her tired and its hard to accept the fact that youre gone forever, Tan. some people say its for her kindness but for me its not fair why God choose my aunty instead of me? you know Tan, now my life feels empty without you in it. I miss you, Tante.
You said you want me to go to canada to see Grandma there with you, but you left me.
Siapa yang bawelin kl dea gamau makan dan tante selalu maksa nyuapin. inget ga kl tante nyuapin dea pasti jongkok sampe dea bilang "tante ish duduk doonggg" terus tante selalu marah kl dea, della berenang banjir2an di apart, terus tante selalu ngmg "Heh de, kamu belajar ya males bgt disuruhnya" nanti siapa yg masakin dea makan2an enak? Tante bilang setiap dea pulang kuliah, dea main kerumah tante terus masak terus makan bareng.. tapi kalo ngga ada tante, buat apa dea main kerumah tante. youre gone too soon, tan.

Tante, hows up there? are you happy? do you need me as your foot to walk there? nanti dea nyusul ya Tante..

And now, everybody's lost their angel forever... Selamat Jalan, Tante.

(Photos from: sister)

I'm expecting another wonderful years with you❤

celebration a year anniversary. thanks for the dinner, the rose, the cake and of course your love, hope your feelings grow deeper each day. amien.

so we celebrated our anniversary in Birdcage. 

i'm expecting another wonderful years with you❤

with Love,

Yours❤

i'm not good for you.
i mess up.
i start fights.
i easily get jealous.

BUT

i don't play.
i give my all.
and i love deeply.

insecure

“You wanna know why girls take every little detail seriously? Because they’re scared that maybe they’re not good enough. They see other girls and think maybe, someone else will take their place. They look through every flaw that they can find. They get insecure. They’re afraid of getting hurt repeatedly…”

I always feel like I will never be good enough for anyone.
And that scares me. A lot.

forever grateful

Do you know that feeling.. When you know things you'd rather not know. You find things you didn't looking for. Things that make you feel insecure about yourself. You feel so lost and feel like I am in a bottom of my world  and being in that moment is making me so vulnerable so don't blame me for the tears. Now you're just laying there, questioning yourself, "am I good enough?"

But something slaps myself across the face and pours cold water over my heard and yell at myself, what in the world I could possibly complain about? It makes me aware of all of the things I am so lucky to have and also the fact that I am fortunate enough surrounding by perfect family, wonderful friends, lovely boyfriend, and all amazing people. Someone else is happy with less than what I have, so really --what more can I ask for in life?

There is always something to be grateful about even during the deepest fall of our lives or the highest rise of it all.

There is always, always, always something to be thankful for.

this guy should get an award

"baby i know its too fast but i really want you, i don't pretend to do it now, i just wanna you know that i care about you i love you& i want you"

"oh hun, i love you too and i also do. but i'm kinda afraid"

"of what, sweetheart?"

"that someday you'll love another girl and i'll be just 'one of your ex-girls'"

"oh sure one day i'll love another girl!! in 7 years and she'll call you 'mommy'"<3

is it wrong?

"gaada yang abadi didunia ini" "including kita? ga abadi? ooh" then he mad at me. is it wrong if i ask you that question? i know i'm not that good for you. i know i would never be the girl you've ever wanted. but is it wrong to love you forever? i want you forever. but if you said theres nothing last forever in this world. can i be your nothing? can i?

if love hurts why its exist? sometimes i wish i was a little kid again, skinned knees are easier to fix than broken heart. i should never have cared. but i do. i care a lot. and that hurts myself. all the things you had say. they were never true. i shouldn't believe. i love you, i really do. but it feels lyk.. i can't fight for you anymore. its not because i don't love you anymore. its because you were never fight for me. so why should i? you've changed, i've changed. everybody's changing. i won't stay. but my heart says i should stay. i don't know who i should follow. my heart or my body.

i believe in quote says "when someone comes into your life, God sends them for a reason. Either to learn from them or to be with them 'till the end'"
no matter how many tears dropped on my face,
i learn a lot from you, O.
i learn about patience,
i learn about caring,
i learn about loyalty,
i learn about acceptance,
i learn about love.

thank you for the super amazing time we spent together,
thank you for our beautiful moments,
thank you for your presence.

why boys don't understand

• When we say nevermind, or don’t worry about it- we want you to ask us what’s wrong until we spill our guts.
• When were freezing- we want your arms around us.
• When our stomach hurts or were in pain- we want you to lay with us and comfort us.
• When we cry- we want you to wipe our tears.
• When we’re upset- we don’t want to be left alone, we want you to stay.
• When we walk away upset- that means follow me.
• When we talk to much- we’re waiting for your lips to shut us up.

Got it?

i thought...

i thought i wasn't that sensitive,
i thought i wasn't that care because it was such an habitual thing,
i thought i wasn't that emotional,
i thought i was strong enough,
but,
i was wrong!
i'm sensitive, but i always pretend that i don't care,
i do care, but i have my on way to show it,
i'm kinda emotional, depends on the circumstances,
and i realize now that i'm not that strong, it isn't like i used to.
this is the first time. haha i cried on my mom's shoulder (instead of crying on her shoulder when i was a baby&kid)

the truth is, if I could be with anyone. it'd still be you.

1. 11 months is a long time
2. the distance between Binus and Yasporbi is only 10 cm away hahaha we're still in the same city, Dea-_-
3. time will fly fast
4. I support you in every-best-way

5. everything will be alright

some may called them denial(s), but i'd like to let myself believe that it's not a denial or only positive thought. it's the truth. those things will be the only thing I hold on to when everything seems wrong. those things will be the reminder of what we have now, and how I feel about you now. having a person in our heart is also having them in our mind. you'll never forget him even for a while or just for a second, he'll always clouding up your mind. i bet you guys feel it, too:P

Forever & Always seems cliche. but hey, that cliche helps us to survive a hard day. I choose to hold on to it until the very end. 

its a promise.

sorry. sorry for everything. sorry for a-wasted-week. i know I'm a fool. please tell me you'll stay with me forever. please don't leave me. maafin aku Ole, aku janji nurut sama kamu, tp please kamu juga harus janji yah<3

And Le, i can't promise you to fix all your problems but I can promise that you won't have to face them all alone. i promise to see you with my eyes, hold you with my arms, love you with all my heart never let you feel alone in this world.  cause i'm with you forever. IT'S A PROMISE.



the happiest thing in the world is when i see you smile because of me. cause no one else will have me like you do. no one else will have me, only you. be with me forever.


its not being in love that makes me happy. its being IN LOVE WITH YOU that makes me happy. thanku Le, you're my-best-man ever. i love you way too much, Ayah ;p

kiss me goodnight. Make a cute couple video with me. Travel with me. Be my partner in crime. Be my boyfriend that can also be my bestfriend. Protect me. Have a lazy sunday with me. Don't walk away. Be with me. Forgive me when i make a mistake. Show me you care. Give me a cute nicknames. Hold my waist while we kiss. Have sing alongs in the car with me. Kiss me on the cheek. Be romantic. Share your hobbies with me. Let me drive sometimes. Be trustworthy. Don't pressure me. Cheer me up when i'm upset. Wipe my tears and hold me when i cry. Spend the whole day with me. Encourage me. Respect me. Compliment me. Playfully tease me. Give me long hugs. Tell me how you feel about me. Make an effort. Remember little things about me. Be there when I need you. Take road trips with me. Don't judge me. Send me random sweet text messages. Have a good sense of humor. Keep your promises. Support me. Cook for me if you can. Kiss me at midnight. Open up to me. Take me out on dates. Tell me I'm beautiful even when I'm wearing sweats and no make up. Get along with my family. Spend the holidays with me. Be honest with me. Take care of me when i'm sick. Teach me new things. Love me for who i am. Trust me. Tell me your secrets. Pick me up at the airport. Be a gentleman. Tell me you miss me. Listen to me. Play with my hair. Take pictures with me. Let me wear your sweater. Introduce me to your family. Make the first move. Watch movies with me. Make me feel comfortable with you. Hold my hand while you're driving. Don't give up on me. Surprise me. Make me feel special. Hug me from behind.

you♥

i just want you to feel how much i love you.

i just want you to know that i'll always beside you, in your good times and your hard times.

i just want you to feel my love that i've always tried to show it to you.

i just want you to know that i love you with all my way.

i just want you to hold my hands when i'm down.

i just want you to know that every hug makes me stronger.

i just want you to know that i love you whoever you are, whatever you are, whatever it takes.

i just want you to know that your smile warms me up even a bit.

i just want you to understand that i've always tried so hard to be strong in front of you, but i can't.

i just want you to know how i hate our fight, how i hate problems, how i hate misunderstandings.

i just want you to know that the reason why i always cry in every problems of us is i'm afraid of losing you.

i just want you to know that i've never had a thought to leave you even once, even a bit. and i won't.

i just want you to know that.......that's how i love you, ole♥

welcome to my life :"(

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place,
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you?
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you're screaming?

No, you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No, you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over?
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No, you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No, you don't know what it's like (What it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No, you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

thats the point

why-why-why? i keep asking WHY. people told me that everything happens for a reason when all I want is knowing the reason before it happens. selfish? even my-mature-friend said its okay to be selfish sometimes. so? why it doesn't happen to me. You hate me, God? for what i've done? praying all the time. is it not enough? just tell me what should i do to make You love me. 

what would you do if your bf make you feel so unwanted? mad? upset? i don't know how to express. its lykkk.. i'm tired. i'm tired of being tired and no one understands. so you just crying for the same damn THINGS.

everybody's changing. i don't feel the same. so who's me? where's the old me? why am i here when everybody's not even needs me. haffff.

i miss those good times

remember? lyk seriously i miss those good times. i just want them back lyk the way it used to be.
and now? after we fought all night long and when you woke up you just said "aku udah bangun" whats the matter if u woke up? is it make the problems clear???? NO. its not. i miss those good times.

time flies so fast. i don't feel the same. thanku.. at least you made me happy these 11 months :)

like you used to.. :'(

"Why does the one you love, become the one who makes you want to cry?"

its 11MONTHS BABYYYY!

Happy-one-month-to-go-to-one-year-anniversary<3

Tell me how to say, I'm not afraid, I'm strong and everything is gonna be okay.

iTunes : Hey monday - 6 months

"I'm afraid, still afraid. It isn't that easy. I never thought I would felt like this before. How can I forget the memories? bad memories."

I'm afraid to say yes.

Afraid to have a new life.

Afraid to take a chances.

Afraid to start something new.

Afraid to get down and can't get up anymore.

Afraid to love you more than this.

Afraid to make you hurt or either cry.

Afraid to feel the same pain.

Afraid to feel worry for a long night.

Afraid to always think of you.

Afraid to hear you say goodbye.

Afraid to make a fake promises with you.

Time flies. But heart stays. And they're just trying to kill me. Slowly but they sure. How long this feelings will stays strong in my heart? I'm tired, tired of fake smile and I can't stop saying, I'm afraid.

promises

Promise each other.

Will do, i promise. aaah to be honest i hate making a promise.

To be honest you still have to make that promise.

I know :)

It's to push us.

Moreover it feels like we have something to be fulfilled :) something in common. something good that will keep us to be together.

I don't care about me in the past, in a year ago, two years ago, or how-many-years ago who really hate making a promise. Because I'm living my life now. And I really hope that you won't break our promises so someday I won't feel 'that' feelings anymore. I won't hate to make promises again with you when we are living together and getting old.

its official

hi. its official.
i've just graduated from senior high school.
say Hello to college stuff.
and yappp.... i'm so ready!

enjoy the pictures, buddies!


Siswa berprestasi 12 IPA:

you may called it 'blur' but i called it 'another focus'

the girls😘

ki-ka: Nando-Me-Rhea-Nisa

Candid

Zweitausandzwolf

LAST BUT NOT LEAST.... certificate dedicated to me as siswa berprestasi.. Thank God<3

When I'm Falling Love

I do. You do. Everybody does. Everyone has been fallin' love. 
This feelin' is inside your heart, sometime we just can keep it in our heart. Rite? Honestly, i have my own story. 
I've never been falling love like this. There's someone, that make me like this. Make me can write all of these things. I don't need to tell his name, cs i know, you know. Ahaha. 



Dude. I have a little lyrics for you here. Wish we could make this 'lyrics' happen to be a pretty 'songs' :)

I'm sorry for all mistake that I've made.
I know it was really bad.
But actually i do all those things.
It is because of one thing.

I've never thought that i could have the best thing in the world.
With you, my life is more precious like a gold.
Maybe I'm too young to say this, but if i could.
I would love to marry you, dude.

Maybe you think, it's like a joking.
But this is what my heart says.
Wish this is what urs says too.
Because, i'm afraid to losing you. 

Fyi dude, if you read this 'thing' it means that i was remembering about every little things that we do together. And i wish, we could do it 'till forever.

ilysm, Le♥.

Happiness

What is happiness?
Happiness means Joy, Smile, Laugh, No sadness, No pains, No tears, Love, Family, Friends. 
A perfect happiness isnt when you spend your money to get things you want. But its when you can spend your time with people you love the most.
For me.
Happiness means 3 wonderful alphabets.
Which are: 
Y-O-U.
☺